you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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