You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
