Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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