I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
