I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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