that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
