R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
