Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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