OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
