No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
