Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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