Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
did i just pee glitter
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
