either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
