She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize