There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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