Your face is a jimmy john
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
