Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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