guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize