Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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