Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
