she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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