I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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