before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
