mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
