Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
