my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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