I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
