Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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