Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
