hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
