Me. At least after what I've been through.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
