Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
