sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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