JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
