i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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