Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
sex in a hospital.. check
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
