Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
