Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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