this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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