I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
