I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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