I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
one might say we're banned from that church
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
