Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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