Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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