he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
