even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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