The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
