Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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