he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
