I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ugly people sure do ruin things
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
