I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
NoShamevember. You game?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
