Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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