Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my poor anus
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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