Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
