Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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