ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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