I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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