1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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