would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
