they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
