Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
