Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
