Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
