you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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