my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Alive.
So much puke
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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