idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
