My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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