I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
