He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
